It was my birthday last week and it was sunny!!!
In all my 40-something years, I've never known the sun to shine on my birthday. It felt reflective of how different things can be, how much they can change and how much we can get embroiled in the story of thinking we 'know how things will work out' which can block the beautiful surprise of it being different. Ultimately we don't always (or ever) know what is around the corner.
My birthday had me feeling all the feels as I reflected on the last 12 months. When I think of where I was this time last year, experiencing the hardest week of my life to date (and believe me, through this divorce process I’ve had A LOT of hard weeks) to where I am now. What a M-F year!
I was holding out on writing this. Its been a minute and there have been copious stops and starts over the last 2 years. Of all the personal shit that has gone down, professionally things have been pretty darn well and I'm eternally grateful for the way my business and brand have shown up for me.
As new season vibes are entering on all realms, there's a renewed energy swirling my orbit. Yet, I could feel myself holding back on reconnecting with you. There was a pull to wait until 'everything was sorted' which for me is code for having it all perfectly planned out. I wanted to have a sparkly announcement of my new Substack and Podcast launching and to revel in the excitement and achievement of it. Luckily for me and hopefully you ; ), the desire to reconnect superseded the desire for perfection (just) and so here I am.
I'm obsessed with taking lessons from life events big and small and the last couple of years have taught me that the messy middle is where living actually happens.
Life is beautiful. Its hard. Its wonderful. Its heart-wrenching and its heart warming. It doesn't fit into the neat and tidy binary box many of us were told we'd receive if we did all the 'right' things, made all the 'right' choices and acted like the 'right' kind of people.
Until we hit mid-life (or before if we're lucky) and find out it doesn't actually work like that.
And nor should it.
September is my month...birthdays, back-to-school, the feel of summer fun and chaos still lingering on my skin and in my mind.
I'm becoming more intrigued by the messy middle and especially how we move through transitions and gather ourselves for each new season.
The change we choose, the change that we are pushed into and the change that comes from both of those places. Its rarely linear. Instead its a chain reaction of circumstances that lead us to the next step older and sometimes wiser.
I felt like a hot mess on my last birthday. The 'hot' part of that rising because I was deviating from the Nicola I was very well acquainted with to a version of me I had never been before. Little did I know I was in a process of stripping away layers of no longer needed ways of being so that I could live the magic in the mess.
I've come to learn the messy middle and imperfection are team-mates. Working with one helps us to be ok with the other. Paving the way for acceptance, growth, pleasure and all of the human experiences we have been put here to encounter.
No-one needs your perfect. Not your kids (if you have them), not the people you love, not your clients, colleagues or wider society.
They need your participation, presence, personality, perspective and passion. Apparently its all of the p's ; ) and the key to inviting more ease, intention and joy.
It's beautiful to be back in community with you.
Sending love
Nicola x
