"any Novel" Novel Study Guide

Oi with the crazy already! 😬

Email sent: Nov 8, 2019 7:54 pm

Is this your brand on Milled? You can claim it.

Can you help us? Plus the best of the blog!
What was #1 at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum this week? 

#1 Post on the Blog: Women deserve orgasm, too!
#5 Post on the Blog Overall: What are soul ties and how can you break them?
#1 from Pinterest: 34 stocking stuffers for husbands
#1 from Facebook: I need your help with the biggest marriage and sex survey of Christian women... EVER!

Why aren't these all #1s? Because often the #1 posts are all the same, and I want to highlight different stuff for you--and not send you to the same things every week! :)
You know those older books called stuff like "Designed for Pleasure" or "Intended for Pleasure"?
They sound kind of, well, quaint now to today's ears.

But what if those titles had a point?

What if ALL of us were intended for pleasure and designed for pleasure? What if orgasm is something that women deserve, too, and not just men?

I had a rather unpleasant experience in the comments section last weekend, where I had to convince some commenters that women had the right to want an orgasm when they made love, and if a husband wanted sex in a "hotter" way, he was being selfish.

They BOTH should reach orgasm. 

But what really bothered me was this idea that a man didn't actually care whether his wife was satisfied or not. All he wanted was what he thought was "hot".

This isn't the majority of men on my blog, by the way. I've had awesome comments from men who want nothing more than to give their wives pleasure, but the women don't care enough to let them, or just don't value sex. That's a problem in its own right.

But it does make me sad that we see sex in such a singular way--it's all about what I want. And then commenters were calling the woman selfish for actually wanting an orgasm (even though he was getting one regardless).

Stuff like this makes me sad, and I wrote about the whole saga in a post on Tuesday, which got rather heated (today's post on 22-year-old youth pastors did, too, but for totally different reasons). 

So let's go back to first principles for a moment. God made sex to be an ultimate "knowing" of each other. It's supposed to be intimate physically, yes, but also spiritually and emotionally. It's about vulnerability and openness on so many different levels. And when we make it only about pleasure and fantasy and "hotness", we miss the whole point. 

The hottest sex is actually that where you're totally invested in the other person--not when you're trying to depersonalize them to act out a fantasy. The fact that so many don't know this makes me sad. And makes me more committed than ever to change the conversation around sex!

We ALL were intended for pleasure--men and women. But pleasure TOGETHER. Mutuality. This matters. I hope one day we get it.
Our Bare Marriage Sex and Marriage Survey is Going Great!

We're more than 1/3 of the way towards our original goal, so Joanna has started dreaming bigger!

We're conducting the largest survey of Christian women's marital and sexual satisfaction that's ever been done to date. 

The more people we get, the more we'll be able to unearth about what makes great marriages. And the more we'll be able to change the conversation in the Christian church.

If you haven't filled it out yet, we need you!
(and you can win 1 of 98 prizes, worth more than $2000 in total. Plus you'll get an awesome freebie to build your emotional intimacy with your hubby at the end!)

Any woman who is married, or who has ever been married, is welcome to take the survey.
Take the Survey!
And you can help us recruit others to take the survey, too! Recruit 25 and you'll get the chance to submit a question for me to answer in an exclusive recruiter podcast.

And the top recruiter wins me bringing a Girl Talk to their church!
Yes! I want to help recruit
Please allow us 24 hours to get you your link!

#1 on the Blog This Week...

Women deserve pleasure!

This SHOULD NOT BE HARD. Seriously.

I've been getting nutty comments on the blog recently about how if a woman can only orgasm in a certain position and her husband wants to have sex in a way that would prevent her from climaxing... they should each get their preference half time time... which means that HE gets to orgasm every time but SHE only gets to half the time.

Let's all just stop and remember - that's not okay!
Did you know I have a FREE resource library, just for subscribers? 
Take me to it! (Password: TLHVLIBRARY)

New on the Blog This Week...

We need your help!

Rebecca, Joanna, and I are totally THRILLED that we can finally talk about our new book contract!

We're so excited to write about Christian women's experiences of sex and marriage and we need your help to do the BIGGEST study EVER on these topics.

Read all about it!
What are soul ties?

This concept is one of the BIGGEST ones that comes up in our google searches on the blog.

The discussion about soul ties boils down to this: what happens between two people who have sex?

I'm breaking down whether soul ties exist and what can be done about the bonding that happens during sex. Check it out!

PODCAST: The baby blues, vaginismus, and why does it hurt down there?

Rebecca is on the podcast this week, sharing her experience of postpartum recovery. It's been hard for her - she's had a horrible rash in addition to a bad tear. Plus, we discuss vaginismus and what can cause vaginal pain. Give it a listen!
So I've been controversial again... but seriously, we need to rethink youth pastors!

For awhile now, I've been thinking about how the church approaches youth ministry - often hiring someone for little or no money who is barely out of Bible college and who has very little life experience. I don't think that's fair to the youth pastors OR to the youth they serve.

I've got 7 ideas that might help fix things. What do you think the solutions could be?
Have a great weekend, everyone!
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Other emails from "any Novel" Novel Study Guide

Nov 15, 2019
Is It Okay to Withhold Sex in Marriage? Let’s Rethink Sexless Marriages
Nov 14, 2019
The 9 Signs of Grooming Behavior for Sexual Abuse
Nov 13, 2019
Our Soul Ties Series: Do You Form Soul Ties By Having Sex with Somebody?
Nov 12, 2019
What to Do When You’re Dreading Your Birthday
Nov 11, 2019
Does the Way We Talk about Women’s Libidos Make Women Have No Libido?
Nov 8, 2019
Oi with the crazy already! 😬