Make Him Yours - How To Attract & Keep The Man You Want
Make Him Yours - How To Attract & Keep The Man You Want

What Dumbledore And His Pensieve Can Do For Your Anxiety

Email sent: Apr 29, 2021 10:57pm
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Hey -,

Anxiety is the diagnosis du jour.

I don’t say that to be flip.

I say that because I have a LOT of clients who live with it and it comes up in a LOT of coaching calls.

Heck, I’ve dealt with anxiety myself!

Social anxiety. Body anxiety. Dating anxiety. Sexual anxiety. These are some common ones.

These anxieties can make you feel shut down, left out, and trapped in your own rogue mind.

Wherever there’s anxiety, there are often shame-based thoughts. They’re like the cockroaches hiding in the corners and behind the baseboards, scurrying to and fro when you turn the lights on.

He doesn’t text you back right away? Here comes the anxiety!

He plays a joke and you’re not sure if he’s laughing at you or with you? More anxiety!

He has waaayy more female friends than you have male friends? Double-order of anxiety, coming right up!

I use a number of different deep processes to help clients with anxiety, but here’s a simple one you can start to apply immediately, straight from the books of Harry Potter.

The next time you feel that familiar prick of anxiety and a tide of shame-based thoughts threatens to overwhelm you, I want you to grab the thought from your mind, (imagine you are Dumbledore standing in front of the pensieve, grabbing that little whisp from your brain) and it out to take a proper look at it.

Once you’ve got a hold of it, here’s some questions you can ask yourself:

Is this thought really true? Like, a scientist could verify it? Would I bet my house, my friends lives, etc… on it?

How do I know it’s true? Is it a hunch or a gut feeling? Or is there proof?

What is fact and what is meaning? For example. It might be a fact that he stopped calling you. But the meaning you’re attaching is “I’m not good enough for him…” well… rightly or wrongly, you made that up.

What is the evidence for this thought? Often, the “proof” we have is all our own projection.

What is the evidence against this thought? Hang on… there is evidence I’m full of crap…

Can I think of any times this thought has not been true? It’s interesting how the brain is wired to find and focus on the things in life that support a negative bias or to keep us in our fear-based comfort zone.

Is this thought helping me or hurting me? We get so focused on being ‘right’ that we hold onto unhelpful rubbish just to be right. For example, do you believe men have the power in dating? Or do women have the power? I’m sure we could make dumb arguments for both, but if you believe the former is ‘right’, then you better start celebrating the value of being ‘wrong’, or you’re going to be ‘right’ and lonely.

Who would I be if I let go of this thought? Chances are, you can release the thought and still be authentically, genuinely you. Probably you with a lot less fear.

Am I willing to release this thought in this moment? Sometimes today is not the day. I get it. That’s when I need to dive a little deeper with clients to figure out the secondary benefit of holding onto unhelpful beliefs (“that shit keeps me safe damnit!!”) Sometimes, though, simply recognizing it and calling it out (especially with another human) is enough to take away it’s power. “Oh shit Sarah. I just realized all this time I’ve unconsciously been telling myself men have all the power in dating. Wtf is that!?!” It’s amazing how many demons die when exposed to light.

What’s the worst that could happen if I release this thought? Can I live with that? Usually, the worst-case-scenario of letting go of the thought is better than the best-case-scenario of holding on to it.

If you’re working through anxiety and feeling a little fuzzy about what’s real and what’s fear, those questions can give you some guidance. A few other tips to keep in mind:

  • Ask for support. There are plenty of people who “get it.” Anxiety is a lot more understood now than at any time in the past.
  • Keep telling yourself: Just because I feel the way I feel or need what I need right now doesn’t mean that will always be the case. Everything passes.
  • Be kind to yourself. Be as patient with yourself as you would be if you were taking care of a little girl. Because, essentially, you are. Get started on a self-care and self-compassion practice to have in place before anxiety takes hold and you’ll be better equipped to deal with it in-the-moment.

If you’re ready for some extra support as you manage your anxiety, let’s have a chat about working together. You can chat to my team about that here.


Mark x

PS: While the beta-intake for my breakup course has now closed (congrats to those who reached out) keep an eye out for emails confirming the official opening of the course. Getting great feedback on it so far.

Profile Image Mark Rosenfeld
Make Him Yours
[email protected]
www.makehimyours.com.au
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