HEY, WANNA GO TO THE BAR?

A very special St. Paddy's Day recipe from Pit Viper

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A very special St. Paddy's Day recipe from Pit Viper
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Alright. We're just gonna come out and say it: We miss bars. We miss everything about them.

The overpriced drinks. The retired strippers. The non-retired strippers. The overzealous sports fans. The fact that they never have any toilet paper. Or darts for the dartboards. Or people who find me attractive.

And we especially miss bars on St. Patrick's Day.

Luckily for you, we've found a way to bring the full immersive bar experience to you. Here it is:

Pit Viper's At Home Bar Recipe.

Level: Amateur

Prep Time: All night

Ingredients:

whatever your drink of choice is x 69

1 piece of paper

1 printer

tape/glue/chewing gum

1 jello packet

1 bottle of green food dye

1 laundry hamper

3 pints of beer

every lamp in the house

1: Wait you haven't started drinking yet? Alright, get started on your drink of choice. Throw $7 in the trash for each drink. We recommend:

SPORT BEER

2: Print out our At Home Bar scenes. Tape, glue, or chewing gum them to the inside of your Pit Vipers. Don't yell at customer service when you can't get them off.

St Paddys Day Vision
Printable At Home Bar Kit

3: It's awfully quiet in here, better set the mood. Put this on loop in the background.

Seriously, click me.

4: Are you drunk yet? Okay, get your ass back to step 1. I'll meet you at the next step. 

Kids, you can play with Redbull.

5: Grab 3 pints of beer. Drink 1. Mix up the other 2 with your jello packet. Proceed to pour onto floor. Wait 4 minutes. Authentic sticky bar floor achieved!

This is your house now. Accept it.

6: Facetime your ex since you can't accidentally run into them this year.

Don't forget to ruin your existing relationships too!

7: Take every lamp in your house, line them up and wait in line behind them to get in the bathroom. Eventually give up and piss in your laundry hamper.

You're doing great!

8: Throw yourself down the stairs for an extra serving of mystery bruises in the morning. 

Just like mama makes it!

9: Treat yourself to some shots - of green food dye. Repeat steps 1-9 until desirable puke color is achieved.

May we suggest Kelly Green?

10: Uber around the block and back to your house. Leave your wallet in the backseat.

FUCK!

 

If you can still read by this point, you did it wrong. 

 

Happy St. Paddy's Day from all of us at Pit Viper!

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Unsubscribe if you skipped Step 7. We don't want you anyway.
Pit Viper 159 W Haven Ave Salt Lake City, UT 84115

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