What’s Wrong With Bill Barr?

Email sent: Feb 13, 2020 6:58 pm

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Signs of the implant’s malfunction were first noticed during an interview the Attorney General gave to ABC News.
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Not the news.

Satire from The Borowitz Report

Bill Barr Rushed to Walter Reed Medical Center After Remote-Control Implant in Brain Fails

An examination revealed a “low-power issue,” a hospital spokesperson said.

By Andy Borowitz
Satire from The Borowitz Report

Judge Sentences Roger Stone to House Arrest in Susan Collins’s Home

The Maine senator said that she was unsure whether becoming Stone’s jailer was a good idea, adding that she would “need more time to think about it.”

By Andy Borowitz
Satire from The Borowitz Report

William Barr Reads “Moby-Dick,” Finds No Evidence of Whales

The Attorney General indicated that he hoped his report would put an end to “reckless speculation” about the existence of whales in the book.

By Andy Borowitz

More Humor from The New Yorker

Daily Shouts

Pickup Lines That Work Every Time (If You’re Trying to Pick Me, a Guy Who Lives in Brooklyn, Up)

“Are you a member of the indie folk band Big Thief? Because you’re stealing my heart.”

By Harris Mayersohn
Daily Shouts

Bad Romance Novels

“Sex Dentist,” “The Time Traveler’s Wife’s Accountant, Murphy,” and more.

By Alex Baia and Dan Caprera
Daily Cartoon

Daily Cartoon for Wednesday, February 12th

Board-game justice at the White House.

By Kim Warp

Back to the Real News . . .

Q. & A.

How the Trump Administration Uses the “Hidden Weapons” of Immigration Law

Aaron Reichlin-Melnick, the policy counsel at the American Immigration Council, talks about Trump’s increasing success in reshaping American immigration policy, from the travel bans to the crackdown on migrants trying to claim asylum at the Mexican border.

By Isaac Chotiner
The Sporting Scene

Is Stealing Baseball Signs Really So Bad? Bobby Valentine Has Some Thoughts

The longtime manager says that the game’s most dramatic scandal in decades makes too big a deal about the teams that got caught while turning a blind eye to the many who get away with it.

By Zach Helfand
Politics and More Podcast

After Two Primary Contests, What’s Ahead for the Democratic Race?

Benjamin Wallace-Wells joins Eric Lach to discuss what the results in Iowa and New Hampshire do and don’t say about the future of the Democratic Presidential primary.

Culture Desk

What to Do in New York City This Weekend

Our critics pick the best music, art, theatre, restaurants, and more.

By The New Yorker

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