UNTOLD HISTORY: ZEUS
Welcome to Beardbrand’s newest email series, Untold History, where we examine the untold stories behind some of history's most notable characters.
This week’s edition: Zeus.
Zeus was the father of all gods and humans, ruling over the skies and dishing out justice from his perch atop Mount Olympus. When angered, old Zeus roared thunderously and threw lightning bolts from the sky, sending frenzied humans into panicked attempts to appease him.
But for years, we’ve wondered — did Zeus actually throw lightning bolts?
It all sounds pretty suspect, so we reached out to Nikos Papadopoulos, a Greek meteorologist and self-proclaimed “mythology nerd,” and what we learned was rather, uh, shocking…
“Yeah, no — Zeus didn’t throw lightning bolts; that’s literally impossible,” says Papadopoulos. “What most likely happened is that Zeus was generating static electricity every time he scratched his beard — which he was probably doing frequently. I mean, have you been to the top of Mount Olympus? The air is, like, really, really dry up there. It’s making my beard itch just thinking about it.”
Nikos doesn’t know for sure why Zeus didn’t just use beard oil to reduce the itchiness of his beard, but he has a theory:
“Yeah, I mean, he had a real God complex, you know? I think Zeus believed manufactured products were beneath him. Could beard oil have helped him? probably. I imagine that dry, itchy beard was a cause of suffering for him — and all that static electricity instilled fear in a lot of innocent people.”
So, there you have it. Zeus didn’t throw lightning bolts; he likely just suffered from a dry, itchy beard.
