5 lazy sex positions for when it's too hot to move

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July 6, 2021 11:49am EDT

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TUESDAY, JULY 6 2021

Welcome back from the long weekend!

Last week was an explosive on for #FreeBritney. Jamie Lynn Spears raised eyebrows when she claimed she had nothing to do with Britney's conservatorship... despite having been named a trustee in 2018. Jamie Lynn went on IG Story to try to distance herself from her father's actions, saying, "This situation does not affect me either way, because I am only her sister who’s only concerned about her happiness.” Days later, a judge denied Britney's request to remove her father for the conservatorship, stating the court found her to be “substantially unable to manage his or her financial resources or to resist fraud or undue influence.” But before you go into a rage blackout like I almost did, the decision is not in direct response to last week's hearing. In fact, it's in response to a months-old request filed by Britney's attorney. Still, this hurts.

In more courtroom news, Allison Mack (the former Smallville actress-turned-NXIVM-cult-recruiter) was sentenced to three years in prison for her role in the sex cult. Her attorneys advocated for no prison time, lmao, while sentencing guidelines recommended a range of 14-17.5 years. Welp.

And Bill Cosby was released from prison after the Pennsylvania Supreme Court overturned his sexual assault conviction—not because he didn't do it, but because he'd already made a deal in a 2005 civil case that stipulated that he couldn't be prosecuted for the same allegations. I hate it here.

That was a bit of a bummer, so to lighten it up, let's close by talking about Kim Kardashian, who wore a see-through off-the-shoulder lace dress with cutouts to the Vatican. A bold choice, to say the least. (Don't worry, she threw on a leather jacket for the Sistine Chapel and St. Peter's Basilica.)

Hope everybody drinks lots of water, applies sunscreen regularly, stays cool, and makes it through the week without too many fires to put out.

WATCH THIS

'The Tomorrow War'

Presented by Amazon Prime Video

The next summer blockbuster is here, and you don't even need to leave your couch to see it. The Tomorrow War stars Chris Pratt, Yvonne Strahovski, J.K. Simmons, and more, and combines action-packed sci-fi with comedy and a whole lot of heart. Don't believe me? Alternating between 2021 and 2051, The Tomorrow War is about (what else?) a futuristic war between mankind and an invading alien force. Humanity's only hope is for the scientists to be able to successfully draft enough soldiers from the past (present?) to fight in 2051. And, I mean, who doesn't want to see Chris Pratt fighting to save the world? Watch it on Amazon Prime Video now.

MAKE THIS

Red, White & Blue Punch

Image: Courtesy of SVEDKA

Fourth of July weekend is upon us, and parties (remember parties?) suddenly went from a forgotten pastime to a reality. Maybe you just need a huge drink, or maybe you're still partying? I don't judge. This big batch cocktail is perfect for your next (safe) gathering and is made using SVEDKA's Spirit Edition vodka (the bottle is v festive). But, obviously, regular non-patriotically-decorated vodka is fine too. The only thing you'll really need for this is a punch bowl, so head to your local Bed Bath & Beyond if you don't have one.

Ingredients:

1.75 parts SVEDKA Spirit Edition 80P
.5 part triple sec
.75 part lemonade
1 part cranberry juice
1 part fresh lime juice
fresh blueberries and sliced strawberries (as much or little as you want)

How TF To Make It:

Combine all ingredients in your punch bowl.
Add 5-6 cups of ice.
Stir and throw in blueberries and sliced strawberries to make it pretty.
Add more fruit as the party goes on — this yields 25-30 servings, so pace yourself.

READ THIS

5 Lazy Sex Positions For When It's Too Hot To Move

BY BETCHEN WEINERS

Image: Mathilde Langevin / Unsplash

In case you haven't been outside or on social media lately, it's hot as f*ck outside, almost too hot to move. And that includes movement in the bedroom. I mean, being on top and taking charge is empowering, but it's also a lot of work. Luckily, I pride myself on the ability to strategically get away with doing the bare minimum on a daily basis. So here are some of the best sex positions to make it look like you actually tried without literally lifting a finger.

1. The Spoon

The spoon is OG lazy lovemaking at its finest. It’s actually the best because you’ve mastered this position every single day of your life from about 10pm to 7am. All you need to do is lay on your side with your partner behind you. Once they enter you, let your hands do the talking. Reach around and grab hold of their thighs, guide their hands to hold various parts of your body (use your imagination). The fact that you’re taking control with minimal effort is a win-win. Just try not to fall asleep.

2. The Curled Spoon

Refer to above spooning position for proper form, except this time around, you’re both in full fetal position. I only included this on here because since you’re now hugging your knees into your chest, you’re fully incapable of moving any sort of body part lower than your chest.

3. Collapsed Doggy Style

If your favorite yoga position is the one where you’re practically unconscious during the last 10 minutes of class, then this one’s for you. And bonus, it’s even got a yoga-y name, so it’s basically like you’re saving $30. All you need is a pillow. Lie on your stomach and elevate your butt with the pillow, and that’s literally all you have to do besides focusing on staying awake.

4. Bootyful View

This is perfect for when you’re feeling lazy AND bloated from your happy hour/three-year weekend alcohol binge. Have him sit up on the bed with his legs extended horizontally. Turn around and straddle him (like reverse cowgirl) and extend your legs back so they’re behind him, and your body is between his legs on the bed. Slide up and down while using his legs for leverage. Before you bitch about the logistics going into this position, just think of it as like putting together your Ikea bookshelf. The setup is a nightmare, but you’ll eventually get to enjoy it at the expense of basically nothing.

5. Dirty Dangle

Basically all you have to do for this one is lay on your back at the foot of the bed. Start out in missionary, and when you’re both close to climaxing, start inching toward the edge of the bed until your head, shoulders and arms are hanging backward off the bed. The blood rush will give you an added sensation once you come back up.

Good Morning To Everyone Except Jamie Spears... Again

We return from the holiday weekend with more upsetting Britney Spears news, and a fresh James Charles apology video to unpack. Next, we discuss Bill Cosby’s first statement since being released from prison. Finally, we have lots of celebrity couple updates, including Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani’s wedding.