Happy Friday, Betches! We’ve made it through another week, and as a reward, Zendaya is back on the big screen (and this time she’s got more than three lines). Spider-Man: Brand New Day has arrived in theaters, and it’s THE monoculture event of the weekend (sorry, House of Stassi). Zendaya and Tom Holland have reunited for more quippy banter and flying through the New York City sky.

We also seem to be running out of Tom Holland/Zendaya Spider-Man movies. Tom said on a recent episode of the Happy Sad Confused podcast that there are plans for him to hand off the Spidey suit. “It’s laid out. It’s gonna change for sure, but I have a really clear vision of the passing on of the baton, and I think it’s really exciting,” he said. Which begs the question: who will be our next Spider-Man? And more importantly for me, who will be Spider-Man’s next girlfriend?

So actually let’s go down a rabbit hole really quick. (It’s Friday, we have time.) The Kirsten Dunst/Emma Stone/Zendaya lineage of Mary Jane/Gwen/MJ is an iconic run, so whoever takes over the mantle next has some big shoes to fill. Presumably Sony/Marvel will cast an actress under 25 (even though I’d love a world in which gay Spider-Man exists), so let’s look at our options:

• Sadie Sink — She would be the obvious choice if she wasn’t already in this film in a secret non-girlfriend role that I won’t spoil.

• Jenna Ortega — She’s probably the most famous actress in this age range, but she’s already got several franchises under her belt, so she might not need another.

• Rachel Zegler — I’d love a world in which Spider-Man is dating a singer. Let’s give the next movie some musical numbers.

• Emilia Jones — The CODA actress has big Mary Jane energy IMHO and has the acting chops to follow the Oscar/Emmy-nominated actresses who have had the role before her.

• Maitreyi Ramakrishnan — I loved Never Have I Ever, and she’s got the best comedy chops out of this group.

• Maisy Stella — And she’s actually my #1 choice. You may recognize the Canadian actress from The End of Oak Street trailers, and if you haven’t seen My Old Ass, now is the time to go watch it on Prime Video. Bring tissues.

And speaking of Canadians…

Update On My Close Personal Friends — Heated Rivalry is about to film Season 2!

After Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie became international celebrities OVERNIGHT this fall when Heated Rivalry became the only show anyone was talking about, they’ve spent the last eight months on PR intensive. From the Vanity Fair Oscar Party and Paris Fashion Week to the Golden Globes and magazine covers, HudCon have seemingly been everywhere except for the set of their hit TV show. BUT the pair were spotted multiple times together this week in Toronto, which can only mean one thing: Season 2 is about to begin filming. Heated Rivalry Season 2 will supposedly adapt The Long Game, another novel in Rachel Reid’s smutty Game Changers series. What will a bigger budget and a massive fandom change for Season 2? Here’s hoping that they spend that money on more steamy romance scenes and not on more hockey footage.

The Couch Report — Watch Thunderbolts as Spider-Man prep

You may have seen a stat making the rounds that shows there’s been over 300 hours of Marvel content in between Avengers: Endgame and Avengers: Doomsday if you factor in all the TV shows. As someone who has watched a fair amount of that 300 hours (including all the movies and a handful of the TV shows), I am here to tell you that the best movie from that intervening period is Thunderbolts, aka Thunderbolts*, aka The New Avengers. The Florence Pugh-helmed movie assembles a rag-tag group of depressed misfits who must work together to defeat a big bad. Florence Pugh (who also shows up in Spider-Man: Brand New Day) is very funny, and the movie has a lot of emotional resonance beyond kick, punch, pow. I’d argue it’s the best Marvel movie in years.

Be So For Real — When, for the love of god, is Alix Earle going to talk about Alex Cooper?

The #BattleoftheBlondes has been going on for months now, and we’re still awaiting any real response from Alix Earle. On April 13, Call Her Daddy host Alex Cooper posted a TikTok calling out Alix Earle for constantly shading her, presumably about a podcast network deal that went sour. While influencer Alix Earle commented “Okay on it!!” that appears to be a lie, because it’s now been four months and we’re waiting for a response as rumors continue to swirl. Well, now Alix Earle has a reality TV show called Earle Meets World that debuts on Netflix on Sept. 4, and she’s teasing that she’ll discuss the beef on the show. While this is a genius ratings ploy, and I, for one, will be tuning in to figure out what the heck happened to make two blonde Ale(i)xs hate each other, I am skeptical that we will ever get real answers. As a gossipy person, I find all of this delaying REALLY ANNOYING, and I need to get to the beef.

Current Hyperfixation — Was Taylor Swift’s wedding sort of just a big Chuck E. Cheese?

We knew that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce had raffles at their wedding and that items like a Chanel handbag and a vintage car were up for grabs. However, we have retired football star Rob Gronkowski to thank for providing more details, and by the sounds of it, T&T may have been inspired by the location of my 7th birthday party, Chuck E. Cheese. “What was really cool was that you had to play the games in order to get the raffle tickets,” Gronk said. “You had to earn the raffle tickets, and that’s why I appreciate it. It wasn’t no hand-me-outs, you had to earn the raffle tickets.” The same could be said at Chuck E. Cheese, where I spent all my tokens on ski-ball and whack-a-mole trying to earn tickets to help buy me an inflatable balloon hammer (to hit my siblings with). Taylor also had pizza delivered to her wedding, but we’re waiting to learn if there were any singing animatronic mice present.