Hollywood is going to Hollywood, and even with The Odyssey, Obsession, and Backrooms earning money hand over fist, every movie producer is looking for a sure-fire reboot, and several have made announcements in the last few days. Moving from “wait, why am I actually kind of excited about this” to “this is soul-crushing,” let’s start with Michael B. Jordan’s reboot of The Thomas Crown Affair, which just dropped its trailer. MBJ is, of course, now an Oscar winner, and rebooting a good old-fashioned sexy thriller is never going to make me mad. We need more hot people doing crime on the big screen.

Next up, Ryan Murphy might be rebooting Glee. While I think that the campy energy of Glee would lend itself nicely to a reboot, AND most of the cast would be thrilled to come back and make guest appearances, there’s something a bit cursed here given what’s happened to many of the cast members.

Ryan Murphy also revealed that American Horror Story Season 13 is not just a Coven season, but a massive crossover event in which Sarah Paulson will play 6-7 different roles, Evan Peters will play five, and Jessica Lange will play four. Do I think that this has any potential to be good? Not at all. Will it lead to some excellent gifs? Most assuredly.

And lastly, Disney has reportedly met with Macaulay Culkin about a new Home Alone movie. *insert gif of Inde Navarrette saying “no” over and over* Especially without Catherine O’Hara, I do not want a Home Alone reboot. We already have three perfect Home Alone films (yes, the third one is good even though it’s a completely different cast). We do not need corporate synergy coming in and mucking with a Christmas classic. I’m not going to stand for this, and I’m praying that Joe Pesci won’t either.

Update On My Close Personal Friends — Madison Beer is engaged

In yet another example of Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” music video coming to life, one more pop star is tying the knot to a football player. Madison Beer announced her engagement to Los Angeles Charger Justin Herbert on Tuesday via an Instagram post captioned, “meet my fiancé.” The pair join Russell Wilson and Ciara, Josh Allen and Hailee Steinfeld, and Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift as a part of the footballer x musician industrial complex. While the engagement carousel did not include a close-up of the ring, some experts, who zoomed in on the shots, have estimated that the ring could have cost upwards of $1 million due to its rare cut. If I had an engagement ring worth a million dollars, I’d have to become a shut-in, because there’s no way I’d wear that out in public. But then again, I guess marrying a football player sort of means you have a built-in bodyguard to keep you and your ring safe.

The Couch Report — The Devil Wears Prada 2 has finally come to streaming

Whether you’re a visionary or a vendor, you can now rewatch The Devil Wears Prada 2 (because I’m assuming that if you’re subscribed to a Betches newsletter, that you already saw the film in theaters). The sequel starring Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Meryl Streep, and Stanley Tucci raked in a ton of cash this spring before settling into paid video-on-demand. Now it’s finally available to stream for free on Hulu, which means you can rewatch Miranda Priestly drag Andy Sachs over and over and over until your heart is content. I know I spent the top of this newsletter complaining about unnecessary sequels, and this movie, on paper, should have been disastrously bad, but somehow it is one of my favorite movies of the year.

Be So For Real — Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula only had sex three times while they were married…

At this point, I’m starting to feel a little bit bad for Kyle Cooke and Amanda Batula, not because I think they’re good people, but because they’ve been dragged through months of a Bravo humiliation ritual at this point. Kyle is a playboy, and Amanda did start dating her ex-bestie’s ex-boy toy, but how many couches can they sit on and be forced to divulge sad aspects of their personal lives? In Part 2 of the In the City reunion, the couple discussed their sex life, or lack thereof. According to Cooke, the pair only had sex three times during their four-year marriage.

Amanda says that part of the reason for that was her battle with depression, but part of it was also Kyle not putting energy into the relationship. “He would work all day, work all night, then come to bed, tell me an email, and then try to have sex with me,” Amanda recalled. “It felt like there was no foreplay. There was no emotional intimacy. There was no conversation. There was nothing else happening in the relationship.” There is a fine line between fizzy reality TV gossip and watching sheer misery, and I fear we crossed it some time ago with this pair.

Current Hyperfixation — Will Ferrell’s son Magnus is now a charting musician

A new nepo-baby has entered the chat. Will Ferrell’s oldest son, Magnus Ferrell, is now a Billboard-charting musician. While Magnus, who has over 640K followers on Instagram, has been releasing singles for several years, his recent track “Asleep Talking” has blown up on TikTok over the last few weeks. He also released a more dancey bop, “Waste Your Heart,” at the beginning of summer. As Gracie Abrams has proved, there is certainly space in the pop music pantheon for a nepo-baby, and we are always in need of more male pop stars. There’s only so much heavy lifting that Harry Styles and Charlie Puth can do after all. Standing by for Magnus’s first full album to drop.