For many of us, the ways we create security within relationships can be a contrived illusion of safety that may make us feel secure, but has the consequence of choking the very energy that is needed to experience aliveness and eroticism and freedom—experiences that are just as important as security and safety. This phenomenon is what I mean when I use the words “Mating in Captivity.” No one wants to mate in captivity. And, yet, most of us do.
In 2006, we didn’t have these words. Day in and day out, couples came to my office who loved each other deeply, but had no sex. ...