The Fatal Mistake Of Handing Over The Responsibility of Creating Your Perfect Love Life To A Clueless Man...
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Featured Expert: Jason Stedman |
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When you keep winding up with guys who won't commit or who have addictions or who are just plain immature, you have to start wondering if you're just a magnet for the wrong people.
Relax. What I've found is that great women often mess up dating and relationships only because they don't fully understand how men think and behave.
In my eBook Catch Him and Keep Him, I'll give you the unvarnished truth on why men do the things they do and what they really think of you. You'll learn how to separate the mature guys from the players - and you'll know how to sharpen certain qualities in yourself that men can't get enough of:
Are you looking to experience more love, happiness and fulfillment in your love life?
Does there seem to be "something missing" from the way you and a man interact that's either keeping you from connecting on a deeper personal and emotional level...
Or is he being RESISTANT when it comes to getting closer with you?
Then you've got to read the real-life story about a woman's failures, growth, and successes with the "unavailable" man in her life. She shares how she went from feeling frustrated and confused to learning how to feel empowered and confident... and describes exactly how she made this change.
You can use the ideas and techniques that she shares NOW to improve your love life.
But First, Let Me Ask You...
What if you could find just one good real-world idea that brought you close to that great guy that for some reason seems "unavailable" or withdraws from you? Or what if you found a great way to turn your situation around and get back to that amazing love-filled connection you used to have when you were first together?
How is that going to happen for you?
Well, there are a few ways described in this email for you. If you read this reader's email, you're likely to recognize and identify with what this woman has gone through with men in the past... and what she is dealing with right now.
And hearing about her experiences dealing with men and relationships straight "from the horse's mouth" can help you put the things she's used to improve her love life to use in your own. You're also likely to simply FEEL BETTER about where things are for you after you read what's going on for this woman.
PLUS, I'll share what I see as the "deeper" psychological process behind her increased success, her new feeling of well-being and her new attitude of confidence and empowerment.
So enough of my blabbering, let's check her email out.
Success Story From A Reader
Dear Jason,
I can't tell you what a pleasure, and with great amusement, it was to read your eBook. I have been trying to ferret out for years why I get into the same situations with men I am attracted to and attract. Let me tell you it has been no easy task to make these kinds of discoveries.
I went from being entirely dismayed and at the point of giving up, thinking I was too complex for any male to understand, to the excited extreme "Aha!" zone where now I get things that are happening.
Being the dominant Aries woman with a perpetual desire for the chase, I thought men to be lame and overly freaked out by my presence and too frightened to do anything about it... they watch from afar but never approach. Begging internally for a man who could keep up, I couldn't figure it out and was on an endless path of what does that mean, why did they do that, etc.
So this little goldmine of yours has put much straight for me, and has my head spinning with ideas.
I've come from the space of hating the whole dating game place to understanding that it's not foo-foo games but rather intelligent strategy combined with proper pacing and non-attachment empowered by my choices.
I recently started dating this man who after several dates suggested I find a book on rules... he was very tongue in cheek about it telling me I was way too easy and I could be taken advantage of (nice girl syndrome) - you should know I am 43 years old was married for 20 years and after 5 years of being divorced entirely clueless on how to proceed. anyway... he at first mentioned he liked having me on his priority list. But 5 days later he brought up "the talk" because he was wondering if he should have one basket or several. (women) And 3 days after that he stated he was into monogamy, but not with me in this case. This blew me away entirely. But he still called each day! He left me wondering what had taken place with us that would make him suddenly stick me into the lover category and not a long term one. (i.e. verbatim he said, "We can have lots of great sex and massages, you just don't get papers on me.")
I then did a search online and found your book. I immediately put into play what I read - with instant changes on his end I might add.
Now I see that what he's done and said has been to help him stay emotionally protected, and that he sees me just as a "lover" like you talked about.
Now the fun for me here is to implement these things and see if it changes his perspective or not. In the meantime, I'm open to practicing on others I'm interested in until I get this right!
Thank you!!
D.B.
And Here's My Response...
You go girl!
I LOVE hearing success stories like this, and thanks for the shameless eBook plug, my strong Aries sista'.
Now before I go into WHY I love this email, and the great things to take away from it and use when it comes to men, dating, and relationships, check out my eBook here:
OK, back to the matter at hand.
There are so many AWESOME things going on in this email that I want to talk about, and that I know are going to start happening for this woman in the near future...
One of the most important things here is what I think of as your "mindset".
I know it sounds a little silly and "new agey," but the truth is that your attitude or mindset can help you naturally become more successful with experiencing connection, fulfillment, and building something that's meaningful and lasting with a man... WITHOUT having to do more "work" just to get there.
If you haven't recognized it in the people and the world around you yet, ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING.
This woman who wrote to me and the transformation she's going through touches on this idea and how it works...
But she didn't share a lot about how she got to this new place she's in, what the process is like, and what she's specifically doing differently now. In other words, the "How-To's" and the techniques.
That's where I want to fill in some gaps for you right now...
The "Emotional Love Map"
I'm going to get "geeky" with you for a second.
I've realized something important recently. After spending tons of time thinking about how men and women experience love and relationships differently, and reading hundreds of books and articles on how the human mind works and our "inner-psychology," I've come across something fascinating.
Each of us has a system of beliefs or "maps" of the world that we use to organize our experience and make meaning out of what happens around us.
I believe that lots of women have a unique set of these beliefs that I call their "Emotional Love Map."
It's really just a fancy name for the pictures and expectations in your mind that create the beliefs about how your love life and relationship should look and FEEL.
Here's where it gets really interesting...
Men and their natural or default "emotional states" can quickly make women feel frustrated and hopeless about finding true and lasting love in their life.
Why?
Because a lot of the behavior, communication, and beliefs that men have don't match up with the "Emotional Love Map" of the woman they're with. Seeing this has helped me see something I never understood before as a man.
A Common Complaint
There's something I know tons of women are probably dying to scream out from inside. If I were them, I'd want to stand on the tallest mountain and yell it out. That's probably why I hear it from tons of women I meet and talk to. I heard it again when I was out to dinner at a great restaurant here in Los Angeles and I struck up a conversation with a woman at the bar as I was waiting for my friend.
It goes something like this...
"I'm tired of doing all the work! Shouldn't the man take responsibility for his issues and fix them himself? We women are doing all the heavy lifting since we're the ones who are emotionally together."
Let's get the logical answer to this out of the way so we can move on to things that actually matter and will actually do real things to improve your love life.
YES.
Men SHOULD take responsibility, learn and grow like most women do. But if you're reading this, then odds are that the men in your life haven't, don't, and have no immediate plans to get it together anytime soon.
Bringing It All Together
Our strong Aries reader who wrote in really "gets" this concept now, and it's doing all kinds of great things for her attitude, her feelings, and the results she's getting with the unavailable guy in her life.
But she probably wouldn't be open to learning and trying new things she's learning and observing if she hadn't had the "psychological shift" of taking responsibility for her own love life.
In my Natural & Lasting Attraction video program, I go in depth to share what you as a woman can do so that you WON'T have to be the one doing all the work anymore to keep the relationship ALIVE.
The relationship won't just die or fall apart if you stop compensating for HIM. You won't have all that "weight" that comes with being the only one in a relationship who cares enough to think about, analyze and learn how to get past the common but dangerous "issues" in a REAL, HONEST, LOVING RELATIONSHIP.
If this is something that you're struggling with right now in your relationship, or maybe even did in a past relationship that still haunts you, you really owe it to yourself to start gaining a deeper understanding of how you can make changes in your own life that will turn this tide for you and lessen your feelings of "carrying all the burden" in your relationships.
Take a look at this program for yourself right here:
Now let's switch gears for a second...
You know what would be great?
I should do a seminar for men to get them to start taking responsibility for their part. You and other women could send their unavailable men and I'd "fix them up good."
Wouldn't that be great? But I think we both know that this isn't going to happen.
And guess what that means? It means that the responsibility to make your love life special and amazing is still all YOURS. You can't wait around for a man to figure out the things that you already know and value. I mean, you could really be waiting quite some time!
So where does that leave you?
The Power of "Awareness"
I'm going to throw out a more "evolved" idea and way of thinking that I believe is subtly linked to everything in this woman's email and attitude. I see this idea as a kind of "master key" that ANY WOMAN can use to unlock her own potential for a happy and loving relationship with a man.
Not coincidentally, it's also the key to unlocking a man's potential with you and getting him to the right place for lasting love.
Let me tell you a quick story to explain the idea exactly. Tell me if this sounds at all familiar...
There once was a woman who was a great person inside. She was smart, thoughtful, caring, insightful, passionate, loyal and loving. More importantly, she saw the beauty and the power of love in relationships and believed in its ability to make the world a better place.
One day the woman met and became involved with a man. They had a strong connection from the very start. She felt the depth of the connection and knew that the man felt the same thing inside. It was REAL. But then something happened...
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, the man started to act differently. And the next thing the woman knew, she was in, what felt like, a dead-end situation where she wasn't getting much of anything back from the man.
Then all of a sudden, she realized that she was draining herself trying to make things work that used to not be a problem. And the man didn't seem to be helping... at all.
The worst part was that the woman KNEW that it was the man's problems that were consuming her and killing what they had going. But the kicker was that he wasn't even AWARE of what his faults and issues were. She tried to support him, share more of herself and hoped that her loving and caring nature would help it pass.
But it didn't. So she decided to talk to him about what she saw to try and improve things and get back to that great loving and connected place they both enjoyed.
It didn't go well. He responded by becoming irritated and defensive with her. He acted like she was some high-maintenance "pain" that was just nagging him. And he completely dismissed what she said about the things he was doing to push them apart.
Instead, he started telling her that he wasn't really sure about where things were going... and that it felt like things weren't like they used to be and he wanted to maybe break up or see other people.
--END OF STORY--
Does This Sound Like You?
If you're sitting there thinking, "Oh my god, how does Jason know about what happened with the guy in my life"... then I feel for you. And it's not a coincidence that this story shares some similar elements with the reader's email earlier.
Unfortunately, lots of men play the role of the unavailable man in this story and the reader's email. And possibly in your own life as well. Some play it through a large portion of their single lives.
The "story" is one of those universal experiences that tons of women have when it comes to men and dating. I've made a thing of it to learn about this common pattern of male behavior through years of study and observation.
But more importantly, I think about this story and have the ability to reflect on it and the experience because of something way, way more important.
Because I'm CONSCIOUS and AWARE. Or at least aware enough to let me observe and reflect on things like this.
The reality is that I've been there myself in the past. I've been the unaware guy who wasn't even open to listening or caring when I was making mistakes with a woman and acting selfishly.
But enough about me.
Let's Finally Get Down To Brass Tacks Here...
What can you learn from all of this and put to good use in YOUR situation and love life?
Here's where that "evolved" idea comes into play. After years of experience, study and observation, I've seen an amazing transformation take place over and over for different women.
It's one of the most fundamental steps forward a woman can take, that whether she sees it at first or not, guides her to finding the right, close, loving, committed, and connected relationship.
It helps lead her to that ONE GUY and that right relationship, and makes everything else transparent and virtually disappear so she doesn't have to waste her precious time or invest her heart and energy into it.
Here's what I'm getting at...
If you're in a difficult, painful, frustrating situation with a man - the thing that has the biggest potential for positive change and results has NOTHING to do with getting him to change.
Yes, you heard that right. It has absolutely nothing to do with his fears, issues, his shortcomings, what he should do differently, etc. Not even his "mom issues."
Sorry... I just had to throw that in there.
No... the biggest "breakthroughs" you'll ever have will come from somewhere completely unexpected and counterintuitive. The biggest breakthroughs you'll ever have in your love life will come from within YOU.
That's right. The most powerful breakthroughs I've seen that have brought amazing positive change and growth to a woman's love life are all about better understanding your own psychology and behavior.
In other words, YOU are the greatest coach, teacher, leader, mentor, and guide that you'll ever have. I know it might sound trite. It might even sound downright stupid and a waste of your time and energy. It's not.
The reality is that there are 10 million new ideas and "techniques" out there for you to look at, try, and waste your time with. NONE of those matter if they don't do something about YOU and how you think and feel INSIDE.
The "Inside" Is What Drives EVERYTHING Else
Your own mind, your own beliefs and your own personal power and creativity are the most potent forces you'll ever have at your disposal.
My eBook is all about bringing a new level of clarity and understanding to your own love life and your experiences with men. It addresses the critical areas "inside" you of psychology, emotion, and behavior... and explains how these create a man's perception of you and changes the way they see all of your communication with them.
Wouldn't it be great if men responded the way that you wanted them to when you asked them to open up, share more, stay connected, or heaven forbid... to want to be with you long term?
My eBook will show you how to create a rock-solid connection with a man so that he naturally wants to be more affectionate with you, even if he's being Mr. Unavailable right now.
Go check out all the details here:
And best of luck in life and love!
Jason
P.S.And if you'd like to look at all my programs, you can find links to all of them for you right here:
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