What Louise Taught Me About “Should”

A small shift that gives us more choice and a little less self-criticism.

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August 16, 2026 7:01am EDT

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Dear Friend,

One of the things I appreciated most about Louise Hay was her ability to take a big idea and make it practical.

She didn’t always need a complicated process or a long list of instructions. Sometimes she could change the way you looked at something simply by asking you to change one word.

One of those words was “should.”

Louise believed “should” was one of the most damaging words in the English language because it almost always makes someone wrong—usually ourselves.

I should be further along by now. I should exercise more. I should have handled that better. I should have figured this out already.

We may think we’re motivating ourselves when we say these things, but most of the time, we’re really just reminding ourselves of all the ways we think we haven’t measured up.

And I think most of us are pretty good at doing that already.

Louise suggested replacing “should” with “could.” I’ve always liked that because it’s such a small change, but it completely changes the way the thought feels.

“I should exercise more” becomes “I could take a walk today.” Instead of criticizing yourself for what you haven’t done, you’re giving yourself a choice about what you can do next.

Louise also encouraged people to use phrases like “I choose to” and “I am willing to.” Again, the idea was to move away from judging ourselves and toward recognizing that we have choices.

I think this becomes even more interesting when you notice how often we use “should” with other people.

They should understand me. They should know better. They should change.

Maybe they should. But I’ve learned over the years that waiting for other people to behave the way I think they should isn’t a very reliable strategy for being happy.

So maybe it’s worth noticing how often “should” comes up in your own thinking this week. I know I’m going to pay a little more attention to it in mine.

And when it does, I’m going to try to remember Louise’s advice and ask myself a slightly different question: What could I do from here?

Sometimes one small change in the way we talk to ourselves can change the way we look at the whole situation.

Have a great week.

Wishing You the Best,
Reid Tracy
CEO, Hay House

P.S. Here’s an affirmation from Louise’s teachings to keep in mind this week: I release the need to criticize myself. I choose thoughts that support and encourage me.

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What Louise Taught Me About “Should”

A small shift that gives us more choice and a little less self-criticism.

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