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Are you having sex worth wanting?
Take care of quality first, and quantity will follow.
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Hey there,
We tend to treat libido like a fixed trait. You either have a high one or a low one, and when desire fades, you assume something in you is broken.
But desire is rarely the real problem.
Esther Perel, the renowned psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity, reframes it better than anyone: "In order to want sex, it needs to be sex worth wanting." Put more simply, Perel is telling us to focus on quality first, and then quantity will take care of itself.
But how? That's the part no one explains. Knowing that better sex matters is easy. Actually knowing how to have it is the hard part.
Two things can help.
First, you talk about it. As Tabu advisors Vanessa and Xander Marin point out, no one ever taught us how to talk about sex. Their tip for starting: bring it up outside the bedroom. A low-pressure moment, fully clothed, makes the conversation far easier to begin.
Second, you make room for comfort. So much of good sex comes down to physical ease — feeling relaxed and present in your body — and the right tools make intimacy easier and more satisfying for both of you.
Sex worth wanting takes intention and consistent effort. And that's the whole reason Tabu exists.
Warmly,
The Tabu Team
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