Give Up Control to Gain Cooperation

It is very common for parents to try to take control of their children's actions. Often, this leads to kids who are out of control, leaving parents frustrated and wondering if they are failing.

There are few things more upsetting to a parent than seeing their children out of control. Kids who know they are out of control feel insecure. They put on a tough exterior. Their actions are easy to misread because they appear to show that they cannot, and will not, be controlled. They need limits, but will often fight when parents try to control their actions, resulting in a power struggle.

The Need for Limits
To grow into healthy, responsible adults, children need limits. The paradox is that parents can set limits with out of control kids by giving away some of their control. By giving away control, they gain more control. The key to setting limits is to avoid giving orders and instead provide choices. By giving choices strategically, parents give control to their kids while gaining more control.

The Power of Choices
The Love and Logic approach to giving control to kids is based on providing choices. This technique stems from the fact that most people cannot make decisions about themselves and fight with others at the same time. Kids will naturally focus on making a choice rather than engaging in a power struggle. Parents can easily set the limits kids need while taking good care of themselves by offering strategic choices.

Learning from Consequences
Effective parents offer choices only when they are willing to ensure that their kids will live with the consequences of their choices. These parents know that kids need to learn from their mistakes. Mistakes are often better teachers than lectures and orders because they allow children to learn how to make responsible, respectful decisions.

Speaking of mistakes, parents must realize that even Love and Logic parents are not perfect. Remember, the goal is to make progress as a parent. In our brand new audio, Raising Strong and Loving Kids: Good News: You Don't Have to Be Perfect, you'll learn Love and Logic techniques you can use right away to respond calmly to out of control behavior without the drama. Take advantage of our Back to School Sale and save 20% on this new audio through August 5.

Want to know what parents can truly control? See how shifting your focus can help you avoid unnecessary power struggles. Read our blog, Control Versus Wishes: How to Avoid Power Struggles