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Another school year is right around the corner, and kids will soon be bringing their schoolwork home. Before long, many children will start hearing questions from their parents like:
"What did you learn today?"
“Where is your homework? Start working on it right now!”
One of Love and Logic's consistent messages over the years has been that the responsibility for a child's schoolwork rests with the child, not the parent. That doesn't mean parents can't still do things to support their young students. It does mean that parents' involvement should focus on providing support in an effective, caring, and loving way.
We've found that parents who focus on a child's successes with schoolwork are more effective than parents who focus on mistakes. Like many human endeavors, winners focus on how they will succeed, while losers often focus on how they might fail. By recognizing a child's successes, we can help them believe they are capable.
As the school year begins, parents might start it off with these three steps to help their kids focus on their successes and learn from their mistakes.
Step 1: Talk With Your Kids About Their Successes
Sit down with your kids two or three times a week. Ask them to talk about the best things they did in their schoolwork. This can be done in a casual way. Especially avoid giving too much praise. It should be about them recognizing their own successes.
Step 2: Ask Them Why They Did Well
Make sure your child describes to you the reasons for their success. As they put these into words, the reasons for their success become imprinted on their brain and are far more likely to stick. They begin to understand and believe that they are in control of their own success.
Step 3: Wait for Kids to Ask for Help
In all schoolwork, kids make mistakes, and parents are often tempted to step in and help them make corrections. Work with your kids on their mistakes only when they ask for your help. Allow the school to address any deficiencies. Teachers have the training to help children overcome them in effective ways.
Most importantly, be patient. This might be a significant change in the way you've worked with your child. It will take time for your child to believe that this isn't just another parenting phase. Look for the real benefits to show up in several months or maybe during the next few years, depending upon the child's past history.
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