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What Helps YOU?
When our criminal trial came to an end in June, I found myself sitting in a state of trauma. I did lot of therapy and EMDR working up to the trial but when things come to an end, it’s an odd space to find yourself in. This is the place that we aren’t talking about enough and one that you’ve likely experienced after court dates or big events.
The first experience I personally had in this twilight-zone space was when we were granted supervised visits for the first time in 2012. It was a complete victory but when I had “imagined” or visualized what it would be like, I was way off. I envisioned myself leaving the courthouse with that coveted order gripped tightly between my fingers and doing little jumps of joy down the courthouse stairs, while crying happy tears. Instead, I found myself numb – struggling to process and oddly, void of emotion. Don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic to know that my kids were finally being protected but I struggled to truly absorb it and to process the events surrounding the court date. It was just an odd juncture that I still struggle to articulate. It's like an emotional hangover.
Maybe it was the reality that we all face – the unpredictable-ness of family court, the unknowns of dealing with such an unstable person or the fact that very little is truly in our control?
I find myself back in that state – I’m exploring my toolbox and dusting some things off.
In July, my therapist told me to do something to mark a new chapter as a way to close the last one and move forward. She suggested moving furniture around, a fresh coat of paint in the house or purging items that no longer serve me (clothing, items in the hall closet, etc). I have devoted my summer to this practice because it has proven so helpful for me but it also reminded me of something that I read long ago and think about often.
EMDR therapy as it was explained to me (simplified greatly) is redistributing trauma so that it can be tackled as a team effort in the brain versus leaving it all to the reptilian (fight/flight) brain. An article I read during my battle talked about the healing that can come from cleaning up a junk drawer or your hall closet (picturing Monica on Friends right now). Stay with me for a minute…
Your junk drawer – it may be a mess like mine. While cleaning and organizing items in the junk drawer, focus on a memory, a current problem, or an event that you are struggling with. As you sort and clean the drawer, you process the event in question so like the items in the drawer, the problem is being moved around and redistributed (remember: if we are referring to significant traumas, those are best kept in the safe confines of your therapist’s office.)
I share this exercise because being conscious of what is bothering me while using everyday cleaning or organization has been incredibly helpful – I stay intentional and present.
Curious to know when helps YOU to process the various stages of this battle?
Thank you for being a part of my little village - I am grateful for you.
Love, Tina
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Here is our vision: We envision a research-led and trauma-informed family court system that acts with urgency and without bias to protect children from abuse while ensuring accountability and enforcement of their human rights.
More specifically;
- Legislation, based on evidence-based factors, is in place and enforced in all 50 US states and internationally to ensure children's safety is the top priority when making decisions regarding child custody.
- The abuse of a protective parent and its impact on their child is accurately correlated and met with appropriate safety measures.
- Coercive control is recognized as a form of domestic violence in all 50 US states and internationally.
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Judges, legal professionals, our communities, and elected officials are part of the solution to protect children from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), a leading indicator of life-long health and well-being.
- Trauma-informed judicial practices are integrated into every courtroom.
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Judges, lawyers, legal professionals, and child welfare services engage in mandated continuing education on the impacts of high conflict personalities in custody cases. Guidance is provided for successfully navigating these cases with compassion and accountability in ways that mitigate conflict (See the Santa Clara Study ) and protect safe caregivers and their children from all forms of post-separation abuse .
Your support allows us to further develop awareness campaigns, expand our Free Global Family Court Advocacy Community & create resources and trainings to help advocate in local communities around the globe; all critical in raising awareness and advocating for much-needed Family Court reform.
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Post Separation Abuse Wheel
Learn more (and please share) by clicking here.
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www.postseparationabuse.com
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NOVEMBER IS FAMILY COURT AWARENESS MONTH
Did you know the majority of the world doesn't know that the family court system is broken? The first step in creating change is raising awareness - if your local court system is broken, this is your personal call-to-action. We need YOUR help in several areas - we hope to put this on the map in your community but we can't do it without you. Click here to see how you can help us.
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Family Court in the News
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Testimonial about the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program from one of our graduates, Brooke Redfern: Click here.
“I thought that I understood so much about strategy when divorcing a narcissistic, high conflict person, but going through this program…my mind was blown.”
You can connect with Brooke at www.howtodivorceyournarcissist.com, @divorce.a.narcissist
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Do you need a divorce coach?
Divorce coaching is a relatively new profession however, clients and attorneys are finding that the divorce coach fills a void that existed in the past.
(CLICK HERE)
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Need an attorney or therapist?
Friends of OMB is a database of professionals who have been recommended to us by OMB followers or clients.
(CLICK HERE)
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Following the OMB Blog?
Stay "in the know" on topics related to family court, calls-to-action, narcissistic abuse and post separation abuse.
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"In Their Best Interest"
Your voice matters and we invite you to tell us about family court professionals who are colluding or corrupt.
(CLICK HERE)
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Seeking a Safe Place?
The Lemonade Club is a private forum where members are screened through an application and by phone.
(CLICK HERE)
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