1st Dibs // Introducing the Mamas and the Babies.

1st Dibs // The Mamas and the Babies

My internal name for these chic stacking studs

 There are lots of things that come to mind about being a mom. Amid the whirlwind of it all, it all boils down to those quiet moments, the full body lap hugs at bedtime that last twenty minutes with my son. The ones where you know it's the best moment it will ever be. The snuggled up couch time with my teen daughter watching "our show", the show doesn't matter, just the nearness.  It's so many things at once, but it's really just these moments of one on one time where you feel it.

When I had Elke, my daughter, it was a big transition to motherhood. I was about 35 and it was really hard. I had a lot of trouble, as moms know about, with terrible breastfeeding issues, intense postpartum anxiety and a pendulum of thyroid problems. I went back to work at 8 weeks thinking I could conquer it all, and all of it showed up on day 1. I eventually got past it, but sometimes when I look back at those early childhood photos, I don't see only the happiness other people see, yes, I was smiling and yes, it was love and magic, but I also see myself and know I was just barely holding it together. I don't want you to think it was bad. If you know, then you know how that all goes. It's just hard in a way you don't expect and in a way you aren't always ready for.

When I look at those photos, I also see Elke, the beautiful strong spirit she is. I remember in the first few weeks that insanely high feeling of joy that I get to keep her forever. How amazing. She was mine. It really trips me out, how SHE was there this whole time, in me, there in that moment where I realized she was mine, there as a toddler, and SHE is still there as a 13 year old. That internal part, that HER part, the way she slept as a newborn still being the way she sleeps sometimes now. 

That thing about her that is love, even under all the 13 year old angst, that's the center of the Chaos pendant. My love for her center from my center.  That true center dot. The heart of it, the soul of it. That singularity,  is deep love. And all the squiggly lines, those are life, and messiness, hard times, the anxiety, the joy, the fun times, and the chaos surrounding us all. Our love centers always surrounded by our life which is squiggly.

When I had my son, 6 years later, it was completely different. Zero trauma. A perfect birth, zero postpartum. I still had thyroid issues but I knew it and it was treated right away without the heart moniter and the big fear. A better mom because I was seasoned. And then, right away, it was Covid and I got to be with him, or at least around him. I was not away at work, I was around and working.  And that gift was really special. 

And isn't it crazy how your two kids can be completely different. I can't wait to feel every feeling on this ride with each of them. I can't wait to know them later and I dread them growing up. I can't wait to get back to them for one more hug and I can't wait to travel with my company and have this wonderful week I am about to have in NYC with my work team.  Isn't it weird how all things can be true at one time. All of it, is being a Mom to me.  

And there is the guilt, that I am not around enough now, because of how this company grows. There is always a comment from my daughter about me being absent. There are also the comments of pride where she says she wants to work at my company one day that make up for the worry. When she wears my sneakers, I feel seen. I hope she just can see me as an example of being able to do whatever she wants. Freedom to be whoever she wants to become.

  There is the guilt of being the worst Mom at the school who knows the least. Honestly, I have gotten to the point where I have stopped trying to keep up with the emails and I have accepted that I know nothing. I accept I will miss something and sign them up late. I won't be the mom who brought the cookies, I will be the one that paid their way out of volunteering.  But none of those availabilities defines my love, it's only a squiggle in the life. Those chaos judgements that make you feel bad about your own mothering. They don't define the center of my love for my kids. The center is under the judgement.

And when asked what I want for Mothers Day, I really just want my car cleaned, and the house cleaned, and a little time alone and then a little time with my family without loudness or kids fighting. I want the dog hair vacuumed and I don't want to have to cook dinner and I will take the massage. That all sounds great. 

I don't want any things. I just want more small moments that have little bits of love stuffed inside. Cuddles on the couch.

I've been calling these earrings the Mommas and the Babies because I love how they look that way to me.  Not because it's Mother's Day, it just happens to be that it is, it happens to be the nickname of these cute little earrings. I designed them meant to stack, meant to play, and pair and mix and match in any which way. All the details you can link to.

xx

Jamie