Hello! I’m moving apartments. No matter how that’s going (never ideal, in New York), I keep in mind that nothing will top when my “nightstand” box fell off the back of an open U-Haul. In broad Saturday daylight, its contents rolled far and wide across a vast Brooklyn avenue. 

Despite the rush we were in to load other cargo, my best friend and I were so debilitated by sobbing laughter that we had to crouch by some of my scattered private belongings, flash peace signs, and take a photo. Whether it comes to cumbersome, necessary obligations (relocating your material life) or sexual gaffes (providing a visual inventory of your vibrators to old men smoking cigars on the sidewalk), I think of Ram Dass: “You can do it like it’s a great weight on you, or you can do it like it’s a part of the dance.”

Part of the Personals dance card this week: new ads from, among many others, a woman who hates texting and has great taste in sandwiches (hi, twin!), a 74-year-old brown-eyed girl looking for an adventuresome lady to travel the world with (future twin!), and a foxy concert promoter — if you’ve ever wanted to say, “I’m on the list,” now’s your chance.

You can write to potentially life-changing strangers like it’s a great weight upon you, but why agonize? Let it fly; see what happens. Place your own ad via this form or write to [email protected]. Read the terms of submission. The best personals offer details that people can picture.

In other news, I had a great conversation on the Side Projects Podcast, where hosts Eli Williams and Clara Malley asked me about advertisers’ success stories, if Gen Z is really having sex, and whether I’d allow the green M&M to underwrite the next Personals Mixer. (Obviously. I love our sponsors, especially when they’re the femme top candy.)

All right! Time to beam a sincere wish, out into it all, that the person reading this has a beautiful, vivid, and restorative Saturday. The “great weight” can eat your shorts! —Amy Rose Spiegel, Senior Editor, The Cut

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In a new movie out August 7, One Night Only, single people are legally allowed to have premarital sex on just one night per year, and only from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. Hm!

When this came up in a Cut editorial meeting last week (and despite some long-standing side-eye over reboots; cint-equals; and microwaved IP), my colleagues and I refused to accept a little movie magic on its face. We demanded to know logistics. How much advance warning do you get? What are the political motivations behind the mandate? Does this apply to unmarried couples, too? Who are the narcs? We slammed the table with both fists: WHAT ABOUT QUEER PEOPLE? Trying my best to speak calmly, I dialed 311: “Hello, yes, I’m calling to report an issue. I’m going to be reading beard-stroking essays about ‘purity culture’ in response to a sex comedy for weeks, and I don’t feel at all prepared, spiritually or intellectually.”

Even as all of that was going on, I started plotting my personal approach to the movie’s parameters. Daydream-plotting, like when the subway falters mid-tunnel and you’re thinking, Okay, so we’re going to have to rebuild from scratch, eh? Who’s the leader? Who’s expendable? (RIP, TikToks at Full Volume Man.) Wallet Chain, hello, my secret lover — or is it you, Non-Margiela Tabis, mon amie? 

I decided against engaging with the One Night Only thought experiment as my current self, given certain advantages. Professionally, I know a multitude of incredible single people, so wouldn't feel as hamstrung by this as the next person. (Nor would Personals' readership. Imagine what the newsletter would be like in the month leading up to the big intercourse holiday! I would see to it that you had a honey.)

But what about when I was single and working at a less impassioned 9 to 5 — say, in 2023? At the time, I loved not having a partner. Everyone I dated carried a different resonance and thrill. They offered an array of pastimes. Downstairs neighbor with fanglike incisors? Fun to doorknock late, obviously. Balthazar A-plus-list CEO who ordered BUTTERED PASTA for dinner? I should have pulled the fire alarm, but he was great to discuss Martin Luther and Catullus with. A baseball team of quiet painters, writers, actors: many long phone calls and bottles of wine. How to choose among them for the main event, especially amid all the pressurized lead-up?

The only way forward: airily declining to participate on ethical principle when anyone asked, thereby making them sick with desire, then getting acquainted with an eager-eyed stranger I met on the subway in observation of the holiday spirit. (Non-Margiela Tabis, it was you all along!) Also, I know it isn’t in keeping with how the rules are meant to be interpreted, but it’s nonetheless true: I’d have been surreptitiously boning all year, regardless of federal policy. The zillionaire ordering off of the children’s menu would just have to bail me out if it came to it (which it wouldn’t, per a beloved koan).

I’m always finding loopholes to wiggle through in a thought experiment. Boring! So I want to know, more faithfully: What would your approach to the One Night Only premise be? A 364-day talking phase with one person, in a high-stakes expectations-versus-reality gamble? Just staying inside, à la SantaCon, to dodge the inevitable vodka puke and tears? Subway lingerie? Taking down the government? (“Sexuality! Your laws do not apply to me.”) 

I want to hear your answers — not even in terms of “outsmarting, just what you'd actually do on Mating Day, if it happened to befall you. Please write me with your best shot at [email protected], subject line: HOT STRATEGY. I’ll use pseudonyms (or real names, if you want) if any great responses demand publication next week.

“Date wanted” ads from eligible people of all types, including yours.

Like something you read? Respond via the contact information in the ad.

To submit: Call the Personals hotline, 212-508-0800, ext. 1, fill out our Google Form, or email [email protected]. Max 100 words. Some dos and don’ts are here. ABSOLUTELY NO AI.

Ads run for four weeks and are free, but we can't print every one we receive. The more specificity and character in your ad, the likelier it is to run. The Cut’s terms of submission apply to all messages.

CHEEKY CONCERT PROMOTER 30M, Ridgewood, seeks an open-minded lover of the arts, 24–32F, for a long-term relationship and/or summer fling. I’m a Jewish native New Yorker who loves live music and manages a band (plus another couple of jobs on top). I’m more available for the right person — hoping to meet someone who enjoys the finer things in life, but is also cool with being a dirty hippie. Let’s explore the wonders of nature. [email protected]

SUBMARINE SWEETHEART 24F, NYC. Lifelong single recently smacked in the face by the realization that she actually does want love and affection (or maybe something that entertains the group chat). Admittedly a terrible texter, but proud to say I never cancel a plan. I'm a pop culture obsessive working in the arts, so I wax poetic about everything from Brazilian Modernist painting to the class politics of Love Island. All I ask is that you're equally passionate about something...even if it's sports. Let's split sandwiches from Court Street Grocers and learn from each other. [email protected]

YOUTHFUL BUT GROWN 40F, Brooklyn, with bouncy curls and buoyant spirit. Open-hearted, adventurous, known for being the most “California” of my New York friends and the most “New York” of my California friends. Seeking a kind, romantic Orna Guralnik type, 30–50F, with whom to devour and dissect the culture, take excessively long walks in or out of nature, co-host the occasional game night, and read side-by-side on the bus, at the beach, and in bed. D.I.N.K. or bust. [email protected]

CYNICAL TROUBADOUR 30M, living in Clinton Hill seeks mid 20s–30sF who loves music and the arts and feels pure disgust for the world around them. If you’re able to drink most men under the table, that’s a plus. If you know places no one goes, that’s just perfect. I love short hair (and have none). Ideal bonding experience would be making a meal together and trading music and film recommendations and bizarre life stories that sound like one-act plays. @bingethinkingenjoyer

BROWN-EYED GIRL 74F, gay, Manhattan. Looking for 60–75F travel buddy for adventure and even love. [email protected]

WITTY BRUNETTE SCREENWRITER 33F, NYC, bisexual, looking for a femme-leaning 28–35F who’s ready to build a partnership without being co-dependent. I wouldn’t call myself a homebody, but I do love a movie/TV binge night. Please be 420-friendly (non-negotiable), politically aware (leftist), pop culture–literate (Las Cultch fans, please stand up), and ready to go to Yankee games (I won’t date a Red Sox fan, I don’t care how hot you are). [email protected]

KINETIC BISEXUAL POET 40, woman (she/they), NYC, whose heart has many homes seeks intrepid co-traveler for the age of uncertainty. Lover of river cities, railroads and the mighty Atlantic but not American nostalgia or innocence. I bring a warm presence, lively mind, and a strong desire to tether to this world. Seeking soft boys, tough girls, or some stripe beyond/in-between; broad horizons, camaraderie and kinship as we build love and life in the day-to-day. Ask me questions big and small, and expect to be asked them in return. [email protected]

CURIOUS, SILLY, SOMEWHAT TALL 31M puttering around Brooklyn with dark hair and a nose ring (left nostril). Atones for cigs and hangovers and generalized guilt with long runs. Seeking fearless, feminine late 20s to late 30s F driven by her ideals (left in nature), but who isn't very self-serious. The ability to sit together on the bar, notice something weird across the room, then wordlessly smirk at each other is a must. Let's read side-by-side in the park with scraped knees, chew on ice, check out deep Queens, and tip the server generously. [email protected]

PASSIONATE LEO WOMAN 32F wants to fall in love with someone 30–45 before the year is over, yet has done nothing to do so. NY born and raised, but really, a NY nomad as I haven’t stayed in one place consistently. But there is an accent, and fake nails. Loves exploring the city, from eating on a stoop or visiting art galleries. I want someone to laugh, take long walks, and dance with, who wants to stay in the city for life and has no intention of ever having a yard. [email protected]

ROMANTIC HOMOSEXUAL CYNIC 36M seeks 25–55M for romance, sex and the kind of chemistry that doesn’t blow up in my face. In possession of a sharp tongue, strong mind, and soft heart — would love to find someone with matching parts. No total tops need apply. [email protected]

BLUE-EYED, BUSHY-BROWED 23-year-old lady looking for a beautiful, tattooed 25–32M to put sunscreen on my back this summer. I’m a Lower East Side penthouse princess (6th-floor walkup) with an extensive collection of art history books and a room full of vintage clothing. I love the MoMA permanent collection, NTS Radio, dancing until my legs hurt, and a martini at J.G. Melon. Must be willing to go to Village East and dissect our thoughts at my favorite bar after — a secret only few will discover! Bonus points if you know how to sail, look like a young Ewan McGregor, or have a well-stocked toolbox and/or a second passport. [email protected]

PROFESSIONAL DREAM FACILITATOR 57F, slightly buttoned up and deeply sexy, fashionable and cultured, notably not neurotic, happily divorced parent. The best possible combination of Brooklyn and New Orleans. Looking for distraction from too much work through companionship on long walks; CitiBike rides over the Manhattan Bridge; eating, visiting museums and galleries, and seeing live music; extensive and deep physical intimacy. I treat every day in the city as an adventure, thrilled and entranced by its range of human experience. You: M, 40s, 50s, or 60s. Intelligent, attractive, experienced (ideally, somewhat weathered); unintimidated by intense and accomplished women. [email protected]

SOLIDIFYING GHOST It’s a metaphor! I’m trying to get back out there, man. 44M, Pennsylvania, straight and looking for a genuine connection with a 30–40F who's open to a family. I write a bit (fiction) and have a small art studio (ceramics). Yoga and pickleball keep me healthy. If you own an overabundance of books, we should have no problem getting along. I’ll even listen if you want to talk about your cat. Let’s start slowly and uncynically. [email protected]

SEEKING TWINKS & TRADIES ALIKE Me: 25M, Bushwick, with a flip phone and aspiring plans to blow up an OpenAI data center and build a chair this summer (pls let me borrow your circular saw). You: 24–35M, expert at trivia, contrarian, ideally knows a good card trick, and will debate me about whatever philosophy I’m reading when we’re out at the Brooklyn dives. Let’s make out in a cab at 6 a.m. and sip a Pacifico in my Bushwick backyard before catching a screening at Syndicated (best theater in the city). [email protected]

NEWLY TRANSPLANTED BROOKLYNITE 61F with an infectious laugh who doesn’t take life too seriously. I love staying active, and my favorite mode of transportation is walking. I’m always up for trying something new, whether it’s taking a belly-dancing class, catching the latest Bollywood movie, or planning my next trip to Tokyo. Looking for a kind, curious 45–62M who laughs easily and is ready for spontaneous adventures. [email protected]

SEXY STONER CERAMICIST 30F seeks NYC boy or girl, 30+, with kind eyes and a working lighter to talk about the spirals of the universe, the current state of music, and where to get the best mussels/french fry combo downtown. Must have good tattoos, an affinity for the beach, and a job. @kerrilyn.marie

GIGGLY LONDON DESIGNER 32M, Eastern European immigrant in London. Ex-depressed, ex-anxious, ex-poor.
Big fan of New York (often there), tennis and my own works. 6’0” (I swear it’s not 5’9”), skinny. Looking for someone 27–37F who’s direct and can make a joke (and forgive a bad one). No food allergies, I'm eating everything. [email protected]

ENTHUSIASTIC COMICS DYKE 28FNB seeks similar late 20s–early 30s F for love and/or friendship. I'm short, futch-y, big ass, bigger heart. My idea of a good time is getting a latte and talking anything from obscure graphic novels to conceptual art. Don't ask me about superheroes, but Star Wars is cool. Testimonials include "a sincere and generous friend" and "you know those smart people who have bimbo vibes?" [email protected]

BLACK MIRANDA before AJLT ruined her character, 37F, Brooklyn. My idea of a good time ranges from going to an outdoor dance party to browsing used history books on eBay while I'm high on my couch. Spiritually a 90s art teacher, but I have a serious job™ that forces me to follow US policy (it's bad). Looking for 35–45M, bookish (in a "fun fact" sharing in a blunt rotation or dinner party kind of way, not a "well actually" kind of way), fellow leftist child of immigrants (shout out to my therapist). Extra points if you have a creative outlet. [email protected]

OVERACHIEVING OLYMPIAN looking for a soft place to land. 30F, Los Angeles. As content as I am with my life, I want a 28–36M partner to share in it. I love love, I love romance, and I love a good love story. The more time I spend in the kitchen, the more I grow to enjoy it, but would still prefer takeout. The most impressive thing about me isn't medals, but how many books I read in a year and how much YouTube I consume. I'm seeking thoughtfulness, intentionality, and a person worth slowing down for. @kendi_kendall

GOOFY ROMANTIC VIDEOGRAPHER 37M, 6’2”, creative, funny, silly, sharp, whimsical, wanderlusting, warm-hearted, cold-handed, non-vegetarian, non-white leftist with a full-time job, middle-class parents, discerning taste, a one-bedroom brownstone apartment, three closets, eight close friends, a bicycle, an eBay addiction, an NTS subscription and a passion for hanging out who drinks, smokes, dances and sings seeks someone who checks some of the same boxes to wander, wonder, explore, sit on the floor, share songs, share advice, and fall deeply, madly, uncontrollably in love with. Is that too much to ask for? @arjununcle

FAB FOOD WRITER 56F, Brooklyn, seeks 45–60M food lover for dinners, drinks, slow jogs, and long conversations. Equally interested in hand-drawn noodles and omakase; happy having a burger in Red Hook or wine on the couch. I'm bad at keeping plants alive but have a cat and two kids who are still thriving. I love to read, but can also scroll on my phone for hours (such skills!). I have learned to like water slides, but still can't do roller coasters but maybe if you hold my hand I'll try it. @strongbuzz_

DOWN-TO-EARTH, MINDFUL, COMPASSIONATE 32F business owner, 1st gen. Latina. Native NY-er. Self-aware & insightful. Looking for an independent, empathetic, courageous, & resilient 1st gen. 32–38M. I enjoy leisure. Old & new jazz. Sun Ra always. Practicing yoga. Enjoying a nice run with my ShihPoo. I'm more offline than online and avoid screens as much as I can, since I work virtually. Oh, & I'm sober after smoking weed everyday for 6 years. Looking for an emotionally aware man, with depth and a sense of self, to vibe and have some form of mutual recognition/connection. [email protected]

PERPETUAL WORK-IN-PROGRESS with a second passport our kids will inherit. Straight shooter. 32M, Messi height, NYC, seeks a woman as comfortable sweaty on a 10-mile trail as stealing the show at a wedding. Entertainment lawyer, which really just means I get paid to read contracts and can no longer finish a novel. Trying to fix that and increase my VO2 max … trying, I said. Happiest eating through neighborhoods I have no reason to be in. I value people who deal straight, so I'll start: I'd like to take you somewhere neither of us has been. @dontforgetit.pdf

CRAZY (HORNY) CAT LADY 25F, New Jersey (but constantly in NYC). Metrograph enthusiast, 34DD and happy to flaunt it, seeks 25–30M semi-workaholic who likes reading books and body language in bed. Cute, witty data scientist who spent $200 at the Criterion Sale and countless hours on true crime docs. Loves summer thunderstorms, identifying toads, and sad attempts at the acoustic guitar. My Bridget Jones to your Mr. Darcy. Let’s kiss in the Criterion closet? @mrs.kubrick the horizon and plans to use it wisely. Rooftop movie night hostess, roller skating neophyte, #1 NYC Ferry stan, mother of two kitties, unapologetic karaoke-a-holic. Seeking smart, driven, goofy, and fun- a "yes, and"-er who will zing me back! Non-smoking section. All genders welcome, ages 29–40. [email protected]

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Stories on The Cut that I’m making conversation with strangers about.

See you in the streets, and the sheets, until next week —Amy Rose

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