May 13, 2026

By Allison P. Davis

Illustration: Lia Kantrowitz

Dear Amy Rose and Allison,

I recently left a long-term relationship. Toxic is the nice way of describing it. I met him at a young age and for many years was controlled, manipulated, and emotionally ravaged by this person. When he kicked me out without warning, my sister moved heaven and earth to make a bedroom for me out of her office. I’ve been living with her since then, and I’m so appreciative.

Becoming roommates again after two decades has been good but at times a lot. She’s a mom, and I’m obviously not used to sharing a roof with kids. Additionally, I think it’s hard sometimes for her to understand me because we’re in such different seasons of life. This has come up, specifically, in regard to dating. When I moved in, we had a conversation about dating that was basically “You can stay here but no dating.” She wanted me to use the time to find a new place and a job and focus on healing. I get where she’s coming from. (Full disclosure: I snuck out, like a teenager, and hooked up with someone anyway — twice. I’m human! Both times resulted in a massive fight.) We basically have stopped talking about it. How can I get her to act more like my sister and less like a surrogate parent?

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