Happy Saturday, gorgeous people of the world.
This week, Personals contributor Emily Leibert is bringing you another installment of her knockout column, "Both Sides of a First Date," in which we meet Ning and Flora and go with them to Tin’s on Houston Street. Was it romance? They reveal all below.
New advertisements are below, too! Place your own via the submissions form or by writing to [email protected]. Read the terms of submission, too.
Who knows what could happen if you try it? Go ahead! Change your life. —Amy Rose Spiegel, Senior Editor, The Cut
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Ning, a 24-year-old political communications consultant, is looking for the blue girl to her red girl. Flora, a 25-year-old associate editor, believes in ghosting (sometimes) and saying yes to ice cream (always).
On a recent Friday night, we crossed their stars at Tin’s, a reliable first-date spot on Ludlow. The next day, we asked our maybe-lovebirds to divulge how their date went down, in unsparing detail. Did they make out? Loathe each other? Experience that rarest thing: love at first sight? Let them tell you all about their evening on the Lower East Side.
What was your first impression of your date — and what do you think they thought of you?
Ning: It took an hour to get down Second Avenue on the M15 bus. The whole time, I was psyching myself out. As I headed into Tin’s, I got stuck behind these Brazilian drummers who were part of an art installation. Not my ideal entrance.
Flora: I just turned 25, and I’m trying to say “yes” more. I’ve always been work-oriented, but I wish I’d done more living in my early 20s. So I thought, This is one night of my life. I was nervous, but mostly excited.
Ning: My first impression was, Thank God it’s a woman. Dating men and women in New York City are vastly different experiences.
Flora: She was gorgeous, with a buzz cut. She said, “So, are you my date?” I said, “I do believe so.” We were both Asian, a pleasant surprise. The sapphic spaces I’m in are very white. Even when they’re more diverse, Asian girlies aren’t necessarily abundant.
Ning: She had on awesome glasses and silver hair clips. In lesbian memes, the bit is, there’s always a blue one and a red one. I was wearing red, and she was in blue. I was like, “We’ve fulfilled the prophecy.”
Flora: I always joke that my beat at work is “lesbians,” but I cover culture and fashion, so the first thing I notice on a date is what they’re wearing. Ning wore a cute miniskirt and kitten heels with piercings in them. I was like, This is a vibe. She’s my type. I like feminine girls with an edge.
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Flora, 25, is trying to say “yes” more after focusing on her career in her early 20s. Photo: David Kaminsky |
As you settled in, what was the vibe?
Ning: I had questions for her right off the bat because her style was so interesting.
Flora: It felt natural from the jump. I was looking forward to having the night to ourselves.
Ning: We had this fun secret that no one else in the bar knew. I asked if getting the noodles was too Lady and the Tramp, but she’d been eyeing them, too. We also got pork ragú.
Flora: Ning told me she’d looked at the menu before we got there. I was like, “Wait, I love that — I always do that.”
Ning: I ordered a porn-star highball called Breakfast in Bangkok. She got a different cocktail, Knights of Malta. The back of the menu had stories explaining the drinks’ names. It reminded me of those recipes like, “I visited my brother in the hospital after a traumatic brain injury,” then you skip down three lines and read, “Delicate flavors of anise blended with bergamot.” Like, how did we get here?
How did the conversation flow?
Ning: I have strong opinions. I wouldn’t call them hot takes. They’re just takes to me. That’s a glimpse into how hot my mind is. One that I get pushback on: I’d rather pay for ethnic food than attempt to make it. It won’t be as good as it would be from someone whose entire career has been making pho or Thai green curry. I’d rather patronize an awesome restaurant than attempt it. Flora agreed.
Flora: One hundred percent agree. I was laughing the whole time. Ning was warm and bubbly. When you’re meeting people in New York, conversations feel like networking, but it took a while for work to even come up. I love when I’m with someone chatty who can bring out that side of me, too.
Ning: I asked for her Subway Take, and she opened her Notes app. It was cute how prepared she was for this situation. A woman after my own heart. Hers was, “Ghosting is sometimes okay.” Bold to whip that out on a first date, because what if I were super-anti-ghosting? But: one hundred percent agree. Depending on the context, you can let it peacefully die, instead of prompting a situation like, “I wasn’t feeling you either, calm down.”
Flora: She works in politics and studied international relations, so she’s more in the weeds with those things than I am. We both grew up going to woke private schools, and I appreciated that we could laugh. She was interested in my work, too. She asked about the stuff she’d seen about the CFDA and PETA protesters at fashion shows.
Ning: She’s living this cool life where she gets to be creative and is surrounded by creative people. It’s a far cry from my day-to-day, dealing with clients, working from home, and getting poll data. It’s boring, compared to her being like, “Next week, I have a press pass to All Things Go, and all of my lesbian friends are duking it out for my extra ticket.” I wish I could be that kind of provider. Instead, every Election Day, I get five texts like, “Okay, so who should I vote for?”
Did you feel any … physical attraction?
Ning: Beyond having this stylish and put-together exterior, she was really sharp and very intent on listening and putting effort back into the conversation. I found her magnetic. It was so fun talking with her. I hope she thought the same, and it wasn’t just me listening to the sound of my own voice.
Flora: When we sat down, I was attracted to her, but hyperaware that I knew next to nothing about her. I wanted to see if anything changed in that sense over the course of the date. Halfway through, I felt our conversation reinforced my initial attraction. I picked up on her body language. We were sitting very close, facing each other in the booth.
Ning: Because I’m dumb as a rock, I wasn’t sure I was catching a super-flirty vibe. There was strong eye contact. We made each other laugh a lot. I was surprised there wasn’t more physical contact, outside of a few arm brushes. I think our flirting was all in the conversation.
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Ning, 24, is easy to joke with about politics. Photo: David Kaminsky |
What were the most uncomfortable moments?
Flora: I tend to only date lesbians. At one point, she brought up an ex who was a guy. Being bisexual is obviously not a red flag, but we’ve had different experiences, and dating a bi woman is unfamiliar territory for me. But this is exactly why I don’t do dating apps. I have a lot of fake rules that make it easy to rule people out before I actually get a sense of who they are. I liked allowing myself to be surprised.
Ning: I don’t want to sound like Ellen DeGeneres, because scaring all her guests in their dressing rooms was a little too much. But one way to get people to be less on guard is surprising them. I don’t know why I did this, but when our jobs first came up, I lied that I was a human-rights lawyer at Palantir, mostly because I presumed we were both on the left. The number of micro-expressions that ran across her face cracked me up. As did her genuine relief when I confessed.
Flora: I short-circuited. I’m very transparent in my facial expressions. Her working in leftist politics indicated that we were aligned, but I was a little nervous about it. My fashion-centric job might come off as trivial to somebody whose work impacts the world we live in. But that wasn’t her attitude. Her joke about it showed me we’re both comfortable enough in our beliefs that we can laugh at them.
How did the night end?
Flora: We split the bill without a conversation. I’m pro–splitting the check, unless I asked the person out. We only left because a waiter came over like, “So sorry, somebody has this table reserved.” I guess we’d been there for more than three hours.
Ning: I’d had a long week and was 50/50 on going to another spot. “I’m happy to leave it at this, but I’d love to learn more about you,” I said. “So we can make a plan to see each other again, or we can go to a second location.”
Flora: I was down for something else. I suggested ice cream. She liked that idea, and I was like, “Thank God you said yes, because if you didn’t want ice cream right now, that would be a problem.”
Ning: I said, “You don’t know this about me, but if I ever say no to ice cream, call the CIA. Something’s wrong. I’ve been body-swapped.”
Flora: We went to Morgenstern’s on Rivington.
Ning: We ate our ice cream together at the counter, and then I walked her to the Bowery stop. Because I really need someone to tell me, I asked, “How is this feeling for you?”
Her response was, “I’m rocking with it.” What does that mean?! But I said, “Okay, great, because I’d like to see you again, and this shouldn’t be where our conversation ends.” She said, “I don’t think the journey’s finished.”
Flora: I’m not the type to leave a first date feeling smitten. I struggle with vulnerability and can be apprehensive. But if it’s a definitive no, I would know. This wasn’t that.
Ning: We waited a beat, then she was like, “I’ll see you.” I was trying to tell whether that was the moment, but I chickened out. I didn’t know what she wanted. Really, I was receptive to anything. But I couldn’t read her signals, so I didn’t want to be the person that jumped into it.
Flora: I asked for her number. I was excited.
The big question: Are you going to see each other again?
Ning: I texted to make sure she got home and told her I was starting my notes for The Cut. She said, “OMG, I hope I get a good review.” I responded, “I hope I get an A in blind date, something normal to want.” She told me my performance was “excellent,” and that she was nervous the whole time, which I’d never have guessed. Just two aloof baddies trying to read the signs!
Flora: We’ve been texting, and we’re figuring out a time for our second date. I’m feeling good about getting to know her more. She’s very cool, even if I don’t think we’d have met otherwise.
Ning: The date was nothing like I imagined on the M15, as in, medieval torture. It was perfectly normal. Wonderful, even.
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