And now, a word from our resident Swiftologist, Zach Schiffman.
You might have thought you were done with Taylor Swift invading this newsletter, but there’s always room for an encore. Last week’s Emmys SVU sketch turned out to include Easter eggs for a four-song deluxe edition of last year’s not-so-warmly-received The Life of a Showgirl. The third letters of the nonsense words from the sketch spelled out “encore.” You know what they say in showbiz: If they hate it, give them more!
The announcement trail continued with Swift replacing the o’s in her profile bio with 0’s and a countdown clock appearing on her website. Her countdowns are often colossal wastes of our time (one once counted down to the release of a literal pool floatie), but every now and then, she actually does something with them to keep us guessing. This one revealed preorders for a new single: “Patient Zero.”
Outside of “I Knew It, I Knew You” and “Carolina,” songs she wrote to try to get an Oscar, Swift hasn’t dropped a brand-new standalone song ahead of an album since the 2021 vault track “You All Over Me,” which teased Fearless (Taylor's Version). Two other off-cycle releases might hint at why she’s releasing “Patient Zero.” In 2021, Swift was featured on Big Red Machine’s “Renegade,” which was ostensibly a Taylor Swift song airing grievances about Joe Alwyn’s depression that she didn’t want to put on one of her own albums. Two years later, she released the gut-wrenching “You’re Losing Me,” which was also about how Alwyn’s depression ruined her life. Given the alleged leaked lyrics and Alwyn continuing to be seen hanging out with tall TV actresses (see: Pidgeon, Barone), “Patient Zero” may be her final attempt at squashing Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime (Pap) Walks. Or maybe she’s upset about Ella Langley’s persistence at the top of the Billboard charts. After all, Swift’s song for Toy Story 5 couldn’t stop the Langley train, so it seems she’s hoping “Patient Zero” succeeds. Our country’s obsession with “Choosin’ Texas” makes it clear that Democrats aren’t retaking the Senate.
Compared to the ostentatious photo shoots for The Life of a Showgirl, the art for “Patient Zero” screams “my first post-B.F.A. headshot.” But the concrete walls in the background (now that sounds like a Taylor Swift lyric) likely signals something about the music video, which was just announced on CBS Mornings and stars Colin Farrell and Dakota Johnson. It will debut Sunday at the VMAs, which explains why Swift is being presented with the inaugural Artist Director Honors, an award that could itself win an award for Fakest Award to Guarantee a Celebrity Shows Up at the Ceremony. Makes me wonder: Where the hell is that Searchlight directorial debut, chica?
The deluxe edition of The Life of a Showgirl will also include three other songs: “Babylon,” “Pink Clouding,” and “Cleveland!” We should all be terrified of “Cleveland!,” not just because of the city and its Kelcian connotations but because of Swift’s track record with song titles ending in an exclamation point. “Florida!!!” is the best of the bunch, “Slut!” is largely forgettable beyond the slur in its title, and “ME!” and “CANCELLED!” are both songs I would pay upwards of $1,000 to forget ever hearing.
