Dear Chess Player,
I am thinking about my dad a lot these days with Father’s Day coming up. We moved across the country a few years ago to chase a job, and it put a lot of miles between us. We talk on the phone a bit, send cards, but we don’t get to visit for a few hours at a time anymore.
One thing about my dad, he has always enjoyed playing games. We played cribbage, backgammon, and yes, chess, when I was a kid. His personal chess set was a folding set with the pieces nestled inside in custom foam cutouts. I was fascinated by it, even before I knew how to play. I loved how orderly it was, and I felt special when I was allowed to get it out.
My dad always played to win. None of this “letting” his kids beat him at anything, because he wanted us to feel like we’d really done something when we won. He wasn’t the most patient teacher, but when you did something clever, he would say, “There you go, now you’re getting it.” You always knew you’d earned that praise. Chess (and other games) with my dad showed me that small, incremental improvements could add up to competence and eventually mastery if you just had the tenacity to keep going.
Now that I have teenagers, I see how playing board games brings my own family together. We play a wide variety of strategy and less serious games, and our kids have learned so many important lessons. Working together, thinking ahead, losing gracefully. My daughter brings out the chess set to play with her dad regularly. She gets excited when she wins, which happens more often the more they play. It’s not just a game of chess, however. Their conversation over the board ranges from what’s happening at school to what’s happening in the world. They joke, they argue, and they learn more about each other every time they sit down. Her dad is teaching her how to play chess, but she’s teaching him about what it’s like to be her in this chaotic world. It’s good for both of them.
My daughter isn’t the only one who challenges my husband to a game once in a while. I’ll ask if he wants to play chess, or I’ll peek over his shoulder when he’s doing online puzzles. He’s a better player than me, but I can play well enough to surprise him. That’s time we spend together without the distractions of the TV or our phones, an increasingly valuable commodity in our highly digital life.
I often write about chess kids and parents here, focusing on the logistics and realities of supporting a kid who wants to play chess. What I don’t talk about as much are the memories made when parents support their kids and their passions. Being a chess parent for a competitive player is time-consuming, nerve-wracking, and often expensive. Chess dads and chess moms are coaches and counselors, travel agencies and sponsors. It’s hard work, but being the first person your child tells about their triumphs and heartbreaks is a privilege.
Chess isn’t all parents and kids, however. It’s a game that spans generations. My grandpa knew the same game that my daughter plays. If he were still here with us, they could sit down and play without having to read the rules or learn complicated game mechanics. It doesn’t favor physical strength or height, and it doesn't require good reflexes (excepting blitz, of course). It can be exciting and dynamic, or quiet and reflective if you prefer. It’s not “for girls” or “for boys,” and it doesn’t require expensive equipment or a big yard. Grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and chosen family can all jump in to play.
Chess is one of many ways to stay connected when your family can’t live close together. Online chess platforms like Chess.com and Lichess.com have free accounts that can bridge thousands of miles. If you can play live, using the chat feature while you play is a little window into your loved one’s life. If that’s not possible, a correspondence game lets you play on any schedule. Even if you don’t talk as often as you should, that notification that it’s your move is a reminder of connection.
For many people, chess starts as a solitary hobby, especially when online chess is so accessible. I encourage you to look beyond your stats and streaks, however, for opportunities to spend time with your family over the board. Playing chess with your dad or your own kids can build special, lasting memories of games played and conversations had. This Father’s Day, ask for a game or two of chess and a chat, and make a new tradition to look forward to every year.
I think I’ll get a correspondence game started with my own dad this Father’s Day. I should ask him whatever happened to his old magnetic set. Knowing him, he still has it.
Wishing you great games this week,
The US Chess Sales Team
